Relationships: Meeting People Online

swanscygnus_olorFourteen or fifteen years ago, my now husband wrote me a private message on a dating website. I don’t remember the details exactly, but I do remember that I felt insulted by his message. Offended. Sniff! Nose in the air offended.

I wrote a polite response including my sense that he was either rude, insensitive or unsafe. He didn’t understand what I wrote because he was not an abusive person. He apologized anyway. I’ll be honest here, his message back to me was so very sincere that I was sorry I misunderstood him. I felt I owed him an apology.

And thus began the great love affair of my life. I’ll come back to this.

I get it. A lot of people are lonely and want to meet their future partner. I think that’s their dreams calling them. Wanting a life partner is a good dream. A great goal to wish for.

It’s just that they defeat themselves. Figuratively shooting themselves in the foot.

Self-defeat by rudeness and/or suspicion. Rejecting possibilities before they materialize in your world. You can work your way past this.

I know there are bad people in this world. Rapists, murderers, child molesters, and all manner of predators. But reacting to people who have done nothing to you as if they were a predator makes you a predator too.

Many of the arguments I see with people assume all manner of things about the other person. Much like what I assume about my husband’s first message to me.

If I had been rude or abusive when I misunderstood him, I’d have missed out on the biggest love affair of my life. It gives me chills.

Now, I’ll be honest here, there are simple ways to tell the difference between a predator and a person who made a mistake. I spent most of my professional life studying predators and counseling victims.

I’ll write about that soon.

Feel free to comment in the form below. I welcome comments and an exchange of ideas.

Contact me if you’d like to live your dream relationship.


Telephone: (615) 464-3791

©2016 by Laura Coleman, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

Original photo by Bowen Pan. Edit by Cavit Erginsoy. (Edited version of Image:SwansCygnus olor.jpg) [GFDL ( or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons


2 thoughts on “Relationships: Meeting People Online

  1. In my last foray on a dating website it was very disillusioning with the amount of individuals that wanted to skip all of the questions and jump to communicating directly. When I refused after the first one that I had unfortunately allowed through it showed how many really didn’t want to be bothered with getting to know me as a person. The site had so many fake users on it that I ended up saying thanks but no thanks when the wanted me to renew. I do think I am open to meeting someone but yes my radar is on high alert for liars and manipulators. I would love to meet someone but it needs to be a healthy right one.

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