Rage

the_rage_of_achilles_by_giovanni_battista_tiepoloHidden anger exists inside me
out of sight behind my smile
masked by my unique form of denial.
Positive thoughts
the hand carved train sitting proudly on my desk
with the poster above it
saying, “I think I can, I think I can”
me saying, “Yes I can!”

Affirmations chanted
prayers even
cutesy sayings on the wall
“Be patient…God isn’t finished with me YET!!”

Gratitude,
oh, all the things I can find to be grateful for
sunshine
music
flourishing houseplants growing along the wall
the tortoise paperweight to remind me
that slow and steady wins the race.

How much anger causes a person to erupt?
Baroom!
Boom!
Kaboom!
Flash!
Erupting in a flash of lightning.

Price paid willingly coping with decades of abuse
thoughtfully being nice
fear of being just like them
a movie villain with an excuse.

“It’s your fault,” they say.
“If you hadn’t done those things to me,
I’d be a good person.”
Not me,
I’m a good person now.

It costs to be a good person
no random killing people
not even bad people
people who deserve it
bullies
ignoramuses
abusive assholes
even ordinary drivers
who cut you off on the highway
no rocket launcher in the car.

The list of bad people is endless
how many wrong things can people
do to a person
before they turn into a bad person themselves?

It costs to be a good person
no punching that doctor
cannot slap that nurse
blow up that laboratory
you know, the one that
poured out the urine sample
instead of testing it.

It costs to be a good person
no nasty emails
no letters my truth contained within
find a different way to fight
the wrongness of what others have done to me.

What to do with that rage?
I’ve been thinking of trying this poetry thing
maybe finding some way of venting my fury
that harms no one
leaves me feeling satiated
and maybe even helps another.

Yep, that’s an idea I think I might try
it costs to be a good person.

Feel free to contact me or comment on this poem and the issues involved. Use the comment box below.

Contact me:

email: agentledrlaura@mail.com

Telephone: (615) 464-3791

©2016 by Laura Coleman, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

 

One response

  1. “It costs to be a good person”
    It Does! But Everything costs something ‘eh?

    RE; “The Rage” It can be Hard when someone does such things to oneSelf Not To just walk right up and punch them right squarely in the nose causing a painfull gusher for them. But Who wants to go to jail?

    Writing Poetry may help. Hows that going?

    When I am injured in some way by another Person I Need Something Physical To Do Before I can even talk with them (If I plan to at all), to Let the Anger or Rage Out. Like Gas its better Out Then in lolz.

    However with my current health issues that is Much Harder to accomplish these days. I used to Chop Wood, or do some Difficult/Strenuous Physical Task to Vent the Rage out. Those days may be gone for me. Yelling in the Woods helps too.

    These days I do whatever Physical Task I am capable of at the Time and pour it out that way. Walk Briskly, Yard Work, the Stationary Bike. It Helps.

    Best! ~Suni

    Like

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